


Tears of Destruction

by MissMushy



Category: NCIS
Genre: Father/Son, Gen, Murder, oh no Tony's in trouble
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMushy/pseuds/MissMushy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One bad day. That's all it took for him to lose everything. His freedom, his fiancé, his job even his friends left him all because of that one bad day where everything he ever knew disappeared into thin air.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We all fall down

Tony looked down at the floor in front of him. 'What have I done?' He thought in his head as he noticed the blood on his hands, he lifted his gaze until he saw the lifeless figure in his line of sight, the stark white tiles below slowly being replaced by a crimson red liquid that seeped out from underneath the body. 'What the fuck have I done?' He repeated to himself in a silent mantra making tears slowly fall down his face. He grabbed his cell and dialled the one number he could remember at that moment in time through the haze of his mind.

"Gibbs." A gruff voice answered almost immediately.

"Boss...I..." Tony trailed off as tears flowed faster than what he was used to.

"DiNozzo what is it?" Gibbs prodded, his voice conveying urgency.

"I've done something." Tony replied quietly unable to seem to form an actual sentence that made sense to the older man.

"DiNozzo what have you done?" Gibbs asked in complete worry now, he listened to the harsh uneven breathing coming through as he grabbed his car keys from the dish at the front door and rushed out to find Tony. "Tony, where are you?" He asked getting no answer he carried on. "I'm coming to get you, just stay on the phone."

Tony could hear sirens getting closer to the house; he started to panic even more. "I'm sorry." He muttered softly into the phone before dropping it as well as the knife that was covered in blood on the floor near the blood that was slowly crawling closer towards him.

He ran out of the seemingly normal house and into the heavily wooded area nearby. He walked deep into the woods before going off the main track to place his back up against the bottom of an oak tree. His mind working overtime trying to figure out what happened.

Soon the sirens stopped piercing into the air like a fog horn warning others of impending doom. He guessed right outside the house. The air was filled with a deathly awkward silence that was only broken by Tony's disjointed sobbing. A small, fragile looking squirrel jumped out of the nearby bushes and suddenly he was thrown into a flash back to a time a couple of months ago when he and Charley was taking a walk past the exact spot he was now.

He and Charley were walking slowly through the woods at sunset; hand grasped in hand keeping constant contact with each other.

"I love you." Tony whispered closely into Charley's ear and peppered her neck with small loving kisses. "I love you more than anything in the world."

Charley hesitated slightly before replying, "I love you too Tones." Her long brown hair graced from one shoulder to the other, deep loving blue eyes glinted within the setting sun.

"I was thinking... after we get married, I'll find another job, something safer than NCIS. Try for a couple of kids, buy a house together." Tony voiced soothingly "Live like a proper family should not how I did when I was a kid."

"Tony aren't you thinking a bit too far ahead at the moment? We only just announced our engagement to your co-workers." Charley replied as she pushed away from Tony a bit.

"Can never think too far ahead baby." He whispered as he peaked his lover on her cheek.

"Sir!" A deep demanding voice cut through his mind for a second before everything faded and he was in his flash back once again.

"I love you Charley. I don't know how I would live without you." Tony stated in the woods, unknowing that the woman he loves with all his heart was cheating on him.

"Sir!" The demanding voice cut through his mind again but this time he stayed in the now rather than going back into the past.

Tony looked teary-eyed at the lone police officer. He studied the man carefully, short spiky blonde hair, around six-foot one in height. He looked barely twenty-three and just out of Maryland Police Academy. His gun carefully trained on Tony with one hand while the other controlled the walkie-talkie his left shoulder.

"Sir, I need you to interlock your hands behind your head." The officer spoke softly enough to not startle Tony but loud enough for Tony to hear.

Tony looked down at his hands and saw that they was still covered in half-dried blood and were shaking.

"Sir, I need you to do it now." The officer called out just as his partner was approaching, gun drawn and aim held steady on Tony.

At that moment Tony decided it was better to comply than try to put up any resistance against two armed police officers so he interlocked his sticky wet fingers at the back of his hear accidentally transferring blood into his soft brown hair.

"What's your name kid?" The second officer called out. He looked older around forty or so, jet black hair that was slowly starting to recede at the temples. Tony stared at the man intensely unsure of whether he should trust the man or not.

"T...To…Tony." Tony replied quietly keeping eye contact with the older officer.

Suddenly he felt a hand wrap around one of his wrists and his natural fight or flight instincts kicked in, he quickly withdrew his free hand and slammed his elbow into the younger officer's stomach that made the grip on his left wrist loosen enough for him to wrench it free. He twisted around and swiftly grabbed the youngsters' gun out of its holster, gripping it tightly he disengaged the safety and placed the gun next to his temple, finger hovering over the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I realise I've been neglecting this story on here to my readers here I'm posting up two chapters now :)

As soon as Tony kicked off the older man knew that Tony wasn't in a good place and he to try his best to talk Tony down, after all he encountered these situations more often than he had to deal with a murder. "Tony put the gun down. This isn't how you want it to go." He called out and kept a closer aim on Tony. 

Tony didn't say anything he just fixed his gaze onto a spot somewhere behind the older man and let the words wash over him, like they were words of a mother chastising a child for running too far ahead. 

"I know things are hard at the moment Tony but this isn't the way. You still have a lot to live for, your job, and your friends, family." The officer voiced. "Mark back off, you try to get any closer and he'll do it or shoot you." He added in a whisper at the younger officer that was trying to sneak up behind Tony. 

"Come on Tony. Don't do this." Mark added as he took a couple of steps backwards.

"I...I...I don't have a lot anymore." Tony said his voice monotone but his gaze never wavered from the spot he chose.

"Why don't you?" Mark asked softly as if he was coaching an injured animal to allow him to help it.

"I'm going to lose my job over what I've done...My friends will hate me for it...Family...I have none..." Tony replied softly. "I...I...The only person who kept me alive is dead...because of me..." The tone of his voice never wavered, never gave any hint at what was to come in the next few minutes.

"Tony, you've done nothing wrong that I know of so why would everyone dessert you? Why would you lose your job when you've done nothing?" The older one questioned.

"I have... I have done something...It'd be better if I wasn't here." Again Tony spoke softly.

"It wouldn't be better. The world would lose a great person; you just need some help to get you back on your feet." Mark butted in before Tony could say anything else.

"NO! No! I'm not a great person...Why don't you understand me?... I haven't and I never will be a great person... Don't you see that?" Tony screamed out before sobbing openly in front of the two officers. The gun dropped out of his hand as he continued sobbing, he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his hands around them to try to make himself as small as possible.

The older officer quickly closed the gap between him and Tony and kicked the gun out of reach from Tony also at the same time holstering his own gun. "It'll be okay Tony." He said quietly as he placed a gentle hand on Tony's left knee.

"I'll go back to the squad car." Mark said feeling a little uncomfortable with the situation.

"Okay Mark. Run the woman’s’ prints, I want to know if she is related to Tony somehow. Also take that." The older officer nodded towards the gun that lay in small shrubs.

"Will do Sam." With that Mark left the wooded area, leaving Sam to deal with Tony whose sobs had now reduced into small whimpers.

"Tony I want to check your pockets okay, just to see if you have any form of identification on you." Sam spoke softly but not making any action to do anything without Tony understanding what he was going to do. 

"My wallet...Front left pocket." Tony spoke, muffled through his hands. Sam quickly and swiftly reached into the pocket, retrieved the tattered leather wallet and looked inside it. His eyes immediately went to the drivers’ licence that stated Tony as Anthony D. DiNozzo Jr.

"You're Italian descent I guess with the name DiNozzo. My grandmother was Italian, she cooked the best pizza." Sam said light heartedly in an attempt to connect with Tony in some way.

"Yeah...Us Italians are good cooks." Tony replied with a little more humour in his voice.

"I hate to ask you this Tony but do you know the woman that was fond in the house you were seen running out of?" Sam suddenly asked.

"Yeah...Charley..." Tony sighed as he thought back to the night he proposed to her. "Charley was...Me and Charley... we were going to get married tomorrow...” 

"Oh man, I'm sorry." Sam replied apologetically. "Do you know anyone who would want to kill Charley?" 

Tony sat there stiff as anything for a moment before finally talking. "Yeah... Me...” He replied stoically. "I...I...I murdered her..." He added softly before letting a few more tears roll down his face silently. 

'No wonder the kid is so damn torn up.' Sam thought to himself as he digested the information that Tony just told him. "What do you do as a job Tony?" He asked innocently.

Tony chuckled slightly at the thought of what he was about to say. "You'd never believe me." 

"Try me... People always think that but I've seen more horror than anything in my life, I tend to believe people as torn up as you are." Sam replied.

"I'm a federal agent for NCIS. That’s Naval Crimi-"

"Naval Criminal Investigative Service." Sam finished off. Tony moved his hands away from his face at that and gave Sam a disbelieving look. "What? I was a Marine in '99 had to leave because an idiot decided to blow up my patrol and I lost my right leg." Sam skimmed over the story as he showed Tony his prosthetic leg. "Plus my son is in the Navy, he was assigned to the Seahawk a couple of years ago, talked about an agent afloat who threatened to write him up for gambling. I'm guessing that was you from the description he gave."

"I'm screwed." Tony muttered as he pulled his hands back in front of his face.

"Nope, not anymore than you already are. I'm going to be with you through the whole booking process. It's the least I could do after my son told me that you saved a couple of his buddies from burning in that fire on the Seahawk." 

"I so am." Tony retorted back. "The media are gonna have a field day...Federal agent turned murderer...because his fiancé cheated on him..." 

"Maybe, but I'm going to try and keep this out of their hands. I have a few people in high places who owe me for saving their ass one too many times." Sam sighed. "Look, you know how this process goes but I'm going to let you call your boss now and then you can call someone else at the precinct. I know you probably don't want this to happen but I'm going have to cuff you for the ride and I have to get a psych team to see you later." Sam carried on as he fished out his personal cell and handed it to Tony. Who swiftly dialled Gibbs' number, on the second ring he picked up.

"Gibbs." 

"Boss...It's me..." Tony spoke softly and hesitatingly.

"Tony. Where the heck are you? You’re not picking up your cell, your apartment is empty."

"I'm in the woods behind Charley's house... The police are here...God boss I'm sorry...” 

"Tony talk to me, why are the police there? Did someone attack Charley?" Gibbs asked worriedly because he had never heard Tony sound so desolate and empty.

"I'm so, so sorry boss, I didn't mean to... I didn't...I killed her...I'm so sorry...” Tony fought back tears as he spoke and felt Sam place an arm around Tony’s' shoulders for support.

"You what?" Gibbs asked unbelievingly.

"I...Killed Charley...God I'm so fucked now..." Tony whispered but Gibbs' acute hearing still heard him.

"Tony let me talk to the LEO." Gibbs' ordered.

"Okay, I'm so sorry Gibbs." Tony spoke softly before handing the cell over to Sam and burying his head into his hands again.

"Sergeant Sam Camaiti speaking." Sam said defiantly into the cell but kept his other hand around Tony's shoulders.

"Camaiti, I'm Special agent Jethro Gibbs, Tony's boss and next of kin. How is he?" 

"He's torn up; he can't believe he did it. When my Probie tried to arrest him because of a neighbour saying she saw him run out of the house he got the drop on him and put a gun to his head." Sam sighed at almost the same time he heard Gibbs sigh. "I managed to talk Tony down and he knows he's going to be taken into the local precinct and I'm going to get a psych team to see him." 

"Can you do me a favour Sam?" Gibbs asked.

"Sure anything for Tony." Sam replied.

"Be with him for the whole booking process."

"I already promised him I'd do that. Is there anything else?"

Gibbs sighed before answering. "Place him in a cell on his own and tell him, I'll see him there please." 

"Will do Gibbs." Sam replied without hesitation.

"Thanks Sam." Gibbs replied quickly and then cut off the connection. 

As soon as Sam heard the dial tone he silently ended the call and placed his cell back into his pocket. "Well your boss isn't exactly up to date with phone etiquette." Sam stated.

"Let me guess...He didn't say bye?... That's just Gibbs..." Tony humoured as he brought his hands away from his face.

"Yeah. He asked me to do a few things for you. Asked me to stay with you for the booking process, place you in your own cell, which I was planning didn't think you'd want to sit in with the local drug dealers and to tell you he'll meet you there, I don't think he wants to kill you." 

"Okay." Tony replied softly.

"You ready to go?" Sam asked innocently again.

"Not really...But I don't really have a choice...” Tony stated as Sam stood up then pulled Tony up.

"Hands front or back?" Sam questioned knowing that Tony might freak out again if he did anything without telling him.

Tony thought about it for a second then decided. "Back...I'm less likely to hurt myself...or you..." Tony whispered the last part.

"Okay." Sam replied as he grabbed his cuffs out of his belt and gently placed them around Tony's wrists behind his back, making sure that they wasn't too tight or too loose. "They okay?" He asked as he stood on Tony's left side.

Tony quickly tested the cuffs and found they were just okay. "They're fine." Tony replied quietly. 

"Okay, let’s go." Sam said as he took up a light hold of Tony's arm at the bicep and started to escort Tony to the squad car. 

It was a short walk maybe two or three minutes long before they were walking out of the edge of the woods and towards the car. Neither of them dared to speak during the walk. Sam silently opened the back door to the car and did the standard practice of making sure Tony didn't bang his head on the door frame as he climbed in. 

"I'm just going to talk to Mark." Sam said softly to Tony, who at this point kept his gaze firmly on the carpet of the car rather than looking out of the windows to see who was staring at him before shutting the door softly.  
The two officers spoke for a couple of minutes about the case before Sam got in the drivers’ seat and Mark got into the front passenger seat.


	3. Chapter 3

The ride downtown was quiet; the two officers spoke nothing as they kept their gaze strictly on the road ahead of them. Tony said nothing to ease the eerie silence that fell upon the three men; he just kept his gaze fixed solely onto the floor. When they got to the precinct downtown Mark went off ahead to inform the officer on duty and Sam helped Tony out of the car and through the booking process then escorted him to an empty cell at the end of the corridor away from the ones that was filled. The Psych team had talked to him just after the booking process but before the walk to the cell. It was a quick meet with them because Tony only spoke to them when asked a direct question and then the answers were usually one worded. 

"I'll have Gibbs come to you when he's here." Sam said softly as he closed the cell door behind Tony and walked away. 

Tony looked cautiously around the cell. It was like the one he was in when he was framed for murder, maybe a little more on the homey side. The dull grey cinder blocks had been painted in a cream colour and there was better lighting in this one. 

He walked over to the empty space of wall and slowly slid down it. Placing both hands In front of his face he allowed tears to flow freely down that soon turned into a river of tears. He didn't quite know who or what he was specifically crying about, was it the fact that he had just killed Charley? Or the fact that he got so mad he did it? Or maybe it was the fact that when he spoke to Gibbs, the older man didn't accuse him, he didn't shout at him. He didn't know at all. 

When the tears refused to fall anymore he moved his hands away from his face to wipe the tear tracks away and saw Gibbs casually leaning up against the bars of the cell. Arms casually threaded through in between three of the bars, coffee held in right hand. His face conveyed nothing, like a mask, undetectable to see what was lying underneath. 

"Boss…" Tony whispered.

"Yeah. That's me DiNozzo. What happened?" Gibbs replied in the same soothing tone he normally reserved for kids that got caught up in a gruesome case. 

Tony took a few deep breathes before answering. "Charley called me, said she wanted to see me about the wedding..." A few tears slipped down his face as he remembered the day’s events in multicolour vision and proceeded to tell Gibbs.

-FLASHBACK-

Tony knocked once loudly on the front door and walked in as he usually did since a year and a half ago when he and Charley decided to take their relationship to the next level.   
"Hey huns, you wanted to talk to me?" He shouted as he searched the house and found Charley in the Kitchen preparing some vegetables for dinner. 

"Yeah, I did. Sit at the island and I'll be right with you." She replied softly before placing the chopped vegetables to boil in a pan of water. She sat down in a seat opposite Tony and sighed heavily. "We need to call the wedding off." 

"What? Why?" Tony asked stunned. "It's tomorrow Char. Some of my family has come from Italy; I can’t turn around and tell them they've wasted their time and money to come here!" 

"I'm seeing someone else." Charley answered straight forwardly. 

Tony sat there perfectly still for a good ten minutes or so, shocked at the news. "What?" He growled towards her. "Who is he? How long have you been seeing him?" He asked keeping the same tone. Questions started to form in his head. Too many questions that needed to be answered. 

"I've been seeing someone since a month after we got together." She explained slightly. "I don't love you Tony. I love him." She added on bluntly and looked down at the counter in between the two.

At that last statement Tony just saw complete red. "So what was it? Go out with the cute federal agent cheat on him and show how much of a dumbass he is?! I spent my inheritance I received off my mother to pay for this wedding! I wanted it to be perfect for you!" He shot up out of the chair and paced to the kitchen counter. He stared at the knife block intently. "Now a day before the wedding you’re telling me that I just blew my money for a slut who played me? I love you so much that I wanted to pay for your parents to come!”

"I never played you. I loved you Tony." She sighed softly. "I just can't deal with you being in the line of fire every day, it scares me. Then I met Garry in the local coffee shop one day and well... We hit off." 

"You...you decided to cheat on your fiancé because he's a federal agent?" Tony asked baffled. 

"Yes." Quickly came the short answer.

Tony looked over his shoulder and then looked back at the block of knifes. He picked one out and lunged at Charley without thinking. 

-END FLASHBACK-

“Tony” The voice seemed faint almost non-existent to Tony as he struggled to break free from the haunting thoughts. 

“The next thing I remember is standing over her...The knife in my hand, covered in blood...” Tony replied softly and looked over to Gibbs, who had not changed his stance.  
“I’ll get Allison Hart to represent you, DiNozzo. She’s the best chance of getting you out of here.” Gibbs said determinedly. 

“I loved her Boss.” Tony averted his gaze to the floor. “I loved her more than anything else, even Wendy. Heck I even said I would find a safer job so she didn’t have to worry about me getting hurt.” 

“I promise you DiNozzo, You’ll never see the inside of a prison.” Gibbs ground out but still saw the look of lost and hopelessness written all over the younger man’s face.  
“I don’t know about that Boss. It’s a pretty open and shut case...” Tony replied sceptically.

Gibbs sighed dramatically, “Stop thinking like that DiNozzo, if you do it’s going to get you nowhere fast.” 

“Why?” Tony retorted. “Tell me one reason why I shouldn’t Gibbs. Everything’s done now so why should I stop thinking like I am?” 

“You know what DiNozzo, maybe I shouldn’t help you. Maybe I should just let your ass rot in jail like every other killer should.” Gibbs replied heatedly before stalking out of the precinct. 

N*C*I*S

Half an hour later saw Gibbs walking out of the main elevator at NCIS Headquarters and towards his desk, the coffee cup in his hand left unnoticed to go cold.   
As soon as he sat down he felt two pair of eyes descend on him but only one decided to speak up. 

“Boss, I’ve tried calling DiNozzo on his cell and landline there’s no answer from either one.” McGee spoke up, slightly hesitant from the tension that lingered in the air. 

“Leave it McGee; you won’t get an answer anytime soon.” Gibbs replied coldly. 

“Now wait a second, surely we should look for Tony if he is missing.” Kate voiced. 

“We’re not looking for DiNozzo because I know exactly where he is.” Gibbs replied through his clenched jaw.

“Then where is he Gibbs, ‘cos he certainly isn’t where he is supposed to be.” Kate retorted back. 

“If want to see him so desperately Agent Todd, he’s in custody at Metro PD cooling his heels.” 

“What? Why?” The two younger agents replied simultaneously.

“Call Ducky, tell him to meet us in Abby’s lab and I’ll tell everyone.” Gibbs ordered.

After a short terse phone conversation the three were using the back elevator to descend to the lab. 

Together they entered lab to find that Ducky and Palmer were already there and the normally deafening music was playing minutely in the background.

“Gibbs!” Abby shouted in her usual happy manner. “Why the sudden impromptu team meeting? That isn’t really a team meeting because Tony isn’t with you. Where is Tony? Oh god, oh god, don’t tell me he’s...” She rambled.

“He isn’t dead, Abs but he is the reason for the meeting.” Gibbs butted in. “For me to tell this, I don’t want anyone to ask questions until I’ve said everything.” The replies he received were numerous nods.

“DiNozzo is currently in custody at Metro PD. PD had received a call claiming that there were sounds of a fight happening in Charley’s house, when they arrived they were told that a person looking very similar to DiNozzo’s description had just ran out into the woods.” 

He decided to not tell them about what had happened in the woods. “The cops found DiNozzo in the woods where he confessed to killing Charley.” 

“What?” Abby exclaimed. “Surely this is one of those jokes he pulls or maybe he’s being framed again. Yeah! He’s being framed surely! They were going to get married tomorrow, Tony wouldn’t kill her.” 

“Oh my.” Ducky whispered. 

“You’ve talked to Tony, right?” McGee asked while holding a nearly sobbing Abby. 

“Yeah, I have. He’s not in a good place at the moment so I’d like it if you all didn’t try to force your way into seeing him.” Gibbs replied while looking down to his feet. 

“Jethro, is there anything else you need to say?” Ducky asked harshly as he sensed Gibbs holding back something important.

“No but I need to speak to you. Privately.” Gibbs replied and jerked his head towards the direction of the elevator.

“Of course.” Ducky said securely and followed Gibbs out of the lab and into the elevator. 

Once the doors closed and the cart started descending Gibbs pulled the emergency stop button, grinding the cart to a halt.

“What is it that you don’t want to share with the rest?” Ducky asked softly. 

Gibbs sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “In the woods Tony was found clearly upset and confused, when a probie tried to get the cuffs on DiNozzo, DiNozzo got the drop on him and managed to get the officers’ gun.” 

“He put it to his head and threatened to shoot, spouting off this nonsense about he has nothing to live for and he’s just a low life. The probies’ partner managed to talk Tony out of it and calmed him down enough to manage a call to me and everything needed to get to the precinct.”

“I see this has unnerved you, Jethro.” Ducky replied softly. 

“More like scared the hell out of me.” Gibbs stated. 

“Right, well I presume he has received a psych evaluation from the boys at Metro.” 

“Yeah, he did and they said that it was the shock of the trauma that caused him to act so drastically.” 

“Well, that does seem accurate.” Ducky mused. “Now if you don’t mind Jethro, I have to get back to that poor Petty Officer downstairs.” 

Gibbs reached forward and turned the elevator back on. “Sure. I managed to talk Officer Camaiti into giving us copies of Charley’s autopsy and evidence, they should be here soon.” 

“I assume they have Anthony’s confession within them.” Ducky replied.

“Yeah, they do Duck. Can you do a favor and see if it confirms with the autopsy?” Gibbs asked.

“Certainly.” Ducky replied before heading out of the recently open elevator doors.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay for those who read my story here. I have been having a few problems with this, mainly a debate between two sides of my brain of should I pull this story and work on it privately.

Ducky returned to him a few hours later with a solemn look on his face. The look that normally the ME would save only for grieving families coming to identify a john doe as the son or daughter.

“It’s matched with the autopsy of Charlie?” Gibbs’ question came out as more of a statement, from knowing the look. McGee and Kate stopped tapping away at their keyboards and looked at Ducky just in time to see the older man nod slightly.

“Perfectly. There’s no doubt with Tony’s confession and the autopsy report matching that anyone else other than Tony murdered her.

Gibbs sighed softly and ran a hand through his grey hair; he had hoped that he could find something within the two that would prove that Tony didn’t kill her, after all he loved her more than Wendy and that relationship only broke off because of Wendy cheating on him. “Okay. Thanks for looking anyway Duck.”

“I wish I could bring better news Jethro.” Ducky replied before slowly walking back to autopsy.

“Knew he was a bomb about to go off and kill people.” Kate spoke snidely underneath her breath and returned back to the case file that she had been working on.

It was another five minutes before Gibbs got restless from the lack of new cases that he quickly barked out that he was going out for coffee and almost ran out of the bullpen.

\-----

A couple of days later Gibbs was enjoying a well earned day off by sanding his boat and musing on the past. He hadn’t heard from Tony since their argument in the holding cells downtown and that was what had worried him.

Tony almost always tried to keep in contact with him; it didn’t matter if he was out of the country or on communications silence.

When Sheppard had heard about DiNozzo, she stood the team down from active duty and that annoyed the senior agent because the new cases that came in was the only thing that stopped him from thinking about DiNozzo every second of every day, wondering, worrying if the younger man was okay. If he was getting treated right in those god awful holding cells, if he was thinking better that he could rely on his co-workers to get through this time of need rather than going through it as a lone stallion and suffer set backs from the lack of support.

He dropped his sander and reached for his coffee. Taking a long drawl he looked at his watch and saw it was fifteen hundred, he had been sanding since ten.

Suddenly his phone rang, without looking at the caller I.D. he picked up. “Yeah, Gibbs.” He sighed.

_“You’re right, I wasn’t thinking right when I talked to you.”_ Tony replied.

“What’s prompted the call Tony?” Gibbs asked immediately, knowing that DiNozzo wouldn’t just call to apologize.

_“I had my pre-trial hearing this morning.”_ Tony gulped. _“Judge Oakley agreed to let me out on bail on a few conditions.”_

“Yeah and what are they?”

_“I hand in my passport, live with someone before my trial and that I wear a GPS tracker with a curfew of 7pm till 9am.”_ Tony blurted out.

Gibbs ran his free hand through his hair. “That’s pretty harsh.”

_“Yeah, I guess it is, but he’s just covering his ass. The passport so I can’t run out of the country, living accommodations so I have someone to stop me doing something stupid I guess and the tracker to make sure I don’t fall off the grid or go outside D.C. It’s better than being granted no bail because I am – was a fed.”_

“And you’re calling for what DiNozzo?”

_“Can you put up with me for a month or two?”_ Tony asked hesitantly. When he received no reply he carried on. _“What am I thinking? Its okay if you don’t I’ll just find someone else in the area or just stay here. I’m sorry for everything. It’s not like I’m getting treated differently than the other murderer’s in here.”_

Tony was just about to hang up when he heard a faint, “Tony, wait.”

_“Yeah?”_

“I’ll talk to Oakley about getting you released on bail but I expect you to pull your weight around here.”

_“Thanks boss, I won’t let you down I promise.”_

_\-----_

Half an hour later the pair was just pulling into Gibbs’ driveway. The whole car journey was spent in silence, neither daring to utter a word to the other.

“Tony.” Gibbs said softly just as he shut off the ignition.

“Yeah?” Tony replied in the same scared almost lost puppy like tone that he had grown since everything started.

“Everything will work out fine. I know that you aren’t a murderer; the team knows that you aren’t a murderer that’s all that matters, knowing that your friends, co-workers know the true you and they aren’t going to let you go this alone. They are never going to abandon you even if it ends up that we die trying to fight for your freedom.”

“I know that the team doesn’t think I could have done this but nothing will be okay Gibbs. I hate myself for what I’ve done, for ruining a family, taking away their daughter, sister, niece, auntie. It can never be okay.” Tony stated somberly then picked up his overnight bag from the foot-well and exited the car.

He marched angrily up to the house and threw the front door open, slinging the overnight bag on the floor. He locked himself within the downstairs bathroom and stared at himself through the mirror. He couldn’t see himself within the body that was in front of him, he looked as though he aged ten years within the last two weeks. The lines around his eyes had become more prominent and the bags underneath his eyes were darker than they ever were before, even after the plague. The care-free frat boy personality was gone and replaced by a dark, somber personality that even his body hated.

“Why do I have to always hurt those around me the most?” He asked to his reflection but knew that he would never receive an answer back.  

A soft rap against the door reminded that he had just walked away from Gibbs when he was talking and that he wouldn’t be alone for a while to come. “I’m making dinner, Steaks with potatoes. I’ll stick yours on the side for you to heat up when you come out. Then I’ll be working on the boat okay?” Gibbs spoke softly through the door.

“Okay.” Tony replied hesitantly and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to try to elevate some of the stress he was feeling. Some irrational side of his brain kept trying to override the rational side by whispering statements and sayings from his dark past along with new statements that he had never even heard of before.

He lost himself in imagining that every first day of the trial that loomed ahead of him. People shouting and screaming at him that he should be sentenced to death, the cameras and microphones that was shoved in his face as he tried to enter the building, the adjourning reporters barking, sometimes shouting questions like _‘What did Miss Venanzoni, ever do to deserve to murdering her?’ ‘Do you remember the full details of when you attacked Miss Venanzoni yet?’ ‘We know that your father had violent tendencies, did you ever think of going to anger management to stop that being passed on to you?’_

He then imagined stepping through the door into the courtroom that was filled to the brim. Cameras and reporters packed into the back of the room allowing only a few spaces for his team near the back. Near the front sat Mr. and Mrs. Venanzoni, the grieving parents of Charlie Venanzoni, they refused to look at him in the eye but Tony could easily tell that tears and anger quickly threatened to over spill and make themselves known. He looked over to the other side of the room and was shocked when he could distinctively make out the form of his father who he had not seen since he was twelve; the old man hadn’t changed a single bit from what he remembered. _‘You’re a murderer! You should rot in hell!’_ He could almost imagine the words spewing out of his father’s lips, laced with as much anger and venom as they could, when he recognized that Tony was looking at him.

Tony was brought out of his imagination by the front door opening and closing then heavy booted footfalls heading straight to the basement. Just from the pace of the unknown person he knew that it was Abby who had come. He didn’t want to see her, he just couldn’t bear the thought that she would still hug him and not pay a single thought that he was a murderer. He waited until the heavy footfalls disappeared down the creaky basement steps before he walked out of the bathroom and quickly into the kitchen. He heated up his steak in the microwave before moving into the dining room to eat it.

Before he could finish eating he heard a loud excited squeal coming from the basement suddenly followed by the girls boots clomping on the wooden stairs, within seconds he was engulfed from behind in a bone crushing hug that threatened to cut off his air supply.

“Abby…Abby…” Tony choked out as he grasped for the slender arms around his neck in an attempt to free himself. He could swear that the woman was trying to kill him, it was getting harder to breathe and his vision started to dim.

“Abs let him go.”

Tony could faintly hear Gibbs’ bark from the door of the dining room, but almost immediately the arms around him disappeared and he could get the much needed air into his taxed lungs.

He coughed lightly and winced at the burn within his throat. “Thanks.”

“Tony, Tony, Tony. I’m so glad you’re here, I’ve missed you. It isn’t the same when you’re not in the bullpen to laugh and joke about what McGee has done or what Kate did the night before! It’s like everyone just suddenly becomes morbid and doesn’t talk unless it’s about a case. When are you coming back to work?” Abby spoke excitedly as fast as she could, she paced around the room and made wild arm gestures as if they proved a point.

“I’m not coming back, Abby.” Tony replied and looked down at the last of his steak; he suddenly lost all of his appetite for it.

“What? Why? No, no, you have to come back. NCIS isn’t the same without you there.” Abby pouted.

“In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve killed my fiancé Abby. I’m about to stand trial for murder! What good is an agent who is just as bad as the guys he is trying to catch? It’d be a nightmare; people will get off because of me if I work whilst facing all this!” Tony’s voice rose a little each time he finished a sentence. He pushed back his chair, stood up and turned around to Abby.

“You can still work there! You can work with me running tests for the teams.” Abby insisted and came up close to Tony so they were almost nose to nose with each other.

“No.” Tony replied defiantly and crossed his arms over one another.

“Why not?”

“The media has already gotten wind of what I’ve done, when they hear that I’ve been granted bail they will be trying their best at getting information on me, if they find out that I’m working active cases they will cause a uproar. Making it difficult for teams to get convictions, making them go over cases, potentially allowing people who are guilty go free. They’re also going to be hounding me, making it hard for me to even leave here, they’re going to be camped right outside that front door and might I add the back as well.” Tony replied hastily.

“The media hasn’t found out yet!” Abby exclaimed.

“Did you not read the paper today Abby?” He asked rhetorically. “Its front page news, ‘Fed kills Fiancé.’ Just leave me alone, tell everyone to not come see me. I don’t need or want their support; I just want to get through this and live the rest of my life paying the consequences.” He stormed past Abby and quickly escaped upstairs.

Abby stood dejectedly, saddened at the thought of Tony making himself go through this alone. She sighed and looked over to Gibbs hopefully, silently wishing that the older man would race up the stairs and force Tony to allow the team in to support him.

As if Gibbs could read her mind, he quickly pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning on and shook his head. “I’m not going to go up there and make Tony change his mind about how he’s going about this. He’s old enough to make his own decisions, and if that’s the way he wants that’s the way he’s going to get. When, no if he changes his mind then we’ll be waiting to support him. That’s all we can do.”

“But Gibbs…”

“No Abs. I told you downstairs that he isn’t ready to have visitors that are going to force him to allow them in. He doesn’t even want to be in my home at the moment, he’s only here because it’s part of his bail conditions.” Gibbs replied softly. “Go enjoy the rest of the day, I’ve got to make a phone call to the Director.”

“Call me if he changes his mind.” Abby spoke before turning on her heel and walked dejectedly back to her car.

Gibbs smiled sadly at the mess the team was in and he hoped that he could get Tony to accept the support that he has and lean on it for help.

He fished out his cell out of his pants pocket and dialed for the Director. On the third ring it was picked up.

_“Director Sheppard’s office.”_

“Cynthia, I need to speak to Jen.” He asked as politely as he possibly could.

_“One moment Gibbs,”_ There was a pause on the line for a few seconds before Cynthia was back. _“I’ll patch you through now.”_

There was another pause on the line before Gibbs could distinctively tell the Director’s voice. _“Jethro, what do you want?”_

“I need to take time off until DiNozzo’s trial, he’s been granted bail on a few conditions; one particular one is that he has to stay with someone. I want to be with him or at least at home in case anything happens to him.”

_“How long is it till the trial?”_

“Two or three months. Look, I know that we’re short enough on agents at the moment and with me taking leave, it would mean that my team would be put on cold cases but could you try? Or just let me work half days.” Gibbs reasoned.

_“At the moment we’re not that busy because I just found a new leader for Balboa’s team seen as though he’s on medical leave. So I can let you take some leave but I may need you to come in half days if our cases rise.”_

“Okay, Thanks Jen.” Gibbs replied before snapping his cell shut and returning it to its customary place.


End file.
